As IQ measures our ability to learn, our emotional quotient (EQ) represents how we identify, understand and manage our emotions and apply that knowledge to the world around us.
The four pillars of emotional intelligence are self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management.
Emotional Intelligence Pillars
Each pillar can help us to recognise and overcome lives challenges with lower stress levels, reduced emotional reactivity and fewer unplanned consequences.
Awareness
How do you connect and show up in the world?
Our physical language, hand gestures, facial expressions and overall movement are pivotal in how effectively we interact with people.
Without knowing ourselves, we can’t master self-control or understand and successfully relate to those around us. Gut feelings are not enough in difficult situations.
When we know our strengths and weaknesses, we can better understand emotions and how they affect our behaviour and the behaviour of others. Understanding our emotions may help alleviate self-doubt.
Ask yourself: How did I contribute to this situation? What am I feeling right now and how is it impacting this situation? What are my three greatest strengths?
Self-Management
How do we control our reactions and impulses?
Here we are thinking about our emotional transparency, self-control, flexibility, drive, initiative and optimism. Do we manage times of crisis and change calmly? Are we able to focus clearly on what needs to be done?
Consider: How can I express my frustration with my colleague? What can I do to stay engaged in this meeting? How do I tell my partner I don’t like their idea?
Social Awareness
Drawing on our empathy enables us to connect and understand what is happening for those around us.
Tapping into that ability to feel other people’s needs, concerns, viewpoints and emotions – and modifying our behaviour accordingly.
When we are self-aware, we act and interact in an authentic and relatable way.
Question:
What strengths does this person have that our team can leverage?
Why do they get so angry when I bring up that topic?
How does my behaviour impact others?
Relationship Management
Our interactions with others and how we achieve goals or manage tricky situations are key.
Think about:
Cultivating relationships
Collaboration
Effectively navigating important conversations
How can I build upon my four pillars?
Reflection is critical to strengthening our self-awareness.
Become attuned to people’s facial expressions and body movements. Increase awareness of your own body language and the messages you send.
You may actively invite feedback on your behaviour from people that you trust.
You can also work with a coach to set goals for improving your emotional intelligence and receive ongoing support.
Learning takes time, patience, effort and dedication. We improve progressively over time and EQ is no different. The results are not immediate.
Emotional intelligence is about effective communication.
Actively listen to others and use non-verbal and verbal cues to emphasise that you are listening.
Those with low emotional intelligence are more likely to interrupt, talk over and disrupt conversations.
Put yourself in other people’s shoes. Be the person with a smile, strategy and solution. It can help others to focus during stressful situations or when problem-solving and teamwork are needed. Stay calm.
Exploring possibilities can often lead to effective strategies.
Empathise with people who feel differently from you. It can help motivate them to change their neuron pathways. Put simply, EQ can help to strengthen every aspect of your life.
Recently, the UK government commissioned research that confirmed social and emotional skills are fundamental in shaping our development and lives.
Anyone can improve their emotional intelligence, but it starts by recognising that there may be a gap between your intent and your impact. Emotional intelligence can fill that gap.
Who you are as a person, rather than what you know, is what matters most in the end.
